Showing posts with label made me laugh. Show all posts

made me giggle.

see more wacky photos here

I need a break from the cheesy "12 days of Christmas" posts. Read it. You'll enjoy it, be amazed, and quite jealous...

From the Board of Wisdom website:

------Jocks vs Nerds----

Michael Jordan having "retired," with $40 million in endorsements, makes $178,100 a day, working or not.

If he sleeps 7 hours a night, he makes $52,000 every night while visions of sugarplums dance in his head.

If he goes to see a movie, it'll cost him $7.00, but he'll make $18,550 while he's there.

If he decides to have a 5-minute egg, he'll make $618 while boiling it.

He makes $7,415/hr more than minimum wage.

He'll make $3,710 while watching each episode of Friends.

If he wanted to save up for a new Acura NSX ($90,000) it would take him a whole 12 hours.

If someone were to hand him his salary and endorsement money, they would have to do it at the rate of $2.00 every second.

He'll probably pay around $200 for a nice round of golf, but will be reimbursed $33,390 for that round.

Assuming he puts the federal maximum of 15% of his income into a tax deferred account (401k), his contributions will hit the federal cap of $9500 at 8:30 a.m. on January 1st.

If you were given a penny for every 10 dollars he made, you'd be living comfortably at $65,000 a year.

He'll make about $19.60 while watching the 100 meter dash in the Olympics, and about $15,600 during the Boston Marathon.

While the common person is spending about $20 for a meal in his trendy Chicago restaurant, he'll pull in about $5600.

This year, he'll make more than twice as much as all U.S. past presidents for all of their terms combined. Amazing isn't it?

However...
If Jordan saves 100% of his income for the next 450 years, he'll still have less than Bill Gates has today.

$$$ Game over. Nerd wins.

So, I was trying to watch a movie the other night on the couch, and my husband goes in the kitchen to get a snack. A few minutes later he starts cracking up. So, I turn up the volume, and tell him, "Shhhhhh." He ignores me and laughs more, even louder as he's crumpling the newspaper. He says, "Gina, you gotta listen to these police reports." I look over, and he's reading the Benicia Herald, our cities newspaper. I'm like, "hold on, I'm trying to watch this movie." Don't get me wrong, I love where we live, but Benicia, doesn't always make for the most exciting news. Plus, I read the police reports all the time, and they are never anything to laugh at this much. So, I continue to watch my movie, straining to hear over his bellowing. He laughs at everything, so mostly I'm annoyed that I can hardly hear my movie. He brings the paper over to me, and says you gotta see these. Humoring him, I snag the paper and look, thinking, "hurry up, what?" Next thing I know, I'm bellowing right along with him. These are copied, word for word straight from the Herald:



Friday May 18
5:54 pm Graffiti in the form of the words, "snitch" and expletive were written on a driveway on the 100 block of Church Street.

8:24 pm A caller said her roommates daughter unlawfully attacked her and her daughter over eyeliner that was taken on the 400 block of Mills Drive. The argument escalated into a physical disturbance, and then the suspect hit the caller and her daughter with her fists.

I know, real newsworthy but it gets much better...

6:43 a.m. A maroon Land Cruiser on the 500 block of Morning Glory Drive was tagged "Gay Boy" over night.

12:02 pm Pamela Scott, 55 or 56, was arrested for driving while intoxicated with a blood alcohol level over .08 after a friend reported that Scott was drunk driving to get more alcohol from the Liquor Warehouse.

first of all was she 55 or 56, did ya ask her, or check her id? there were 3 other reports with ages like this, which i thought was quite strange. and more important, nice friend, Pamela has. I wonder if it was her house that someone wrote "snitch" in her driveway.

Sunday May 20
1:44 pm A Benicia City Park worker told the owners of a bulldog that had tied their dog to a "No Dogs in the Park" sign to leave. The dog owners were given a warning.

I think these people were messing with the park worker. and why agian, did he have to call the police? i mean get a life.

2:10 pm Children on the 1100 block of Southampton Road repeatedly called 911 to make "fart" noises.

haha

7:07 pm A caller reported that neighbors on Turner drive are raising rabbits in tents in their backyard and that they could smell the odor inside their home.

i think this lady is on crack. rabbits in tents, right! lady, Trix are for kids.

there are a few more knee slappers, but I think I've made Benicia, pitiful enough for now. I'm so glad they deliver the Chronicle here.