So, I was trying to watch a movie the other night on the couch, and my husband goes in the kitchen to get a snack. A few minutes later he starts cracking up. So, I turn up the volume, and tell him, "Shhhhhh." He ignores me and laughs more, even louder as he's crumpling the newspaper. He says, "Gina, you gotta listen to these police reports." I look over, and he's reading the Benicia Herald, our cities newspaper. I'm like, "hold on, I'm trying to watch this movie." Don't get me wrong, I love where we live, but Benicia, doesn't always make for the most exciting news. Plus, I read the police reports all the time, and they are never anything to laugh at this much. So, I continue to watch my movie, straining to hear over his bellowing. He laughs at everything, so mostly I'm annoyed that I can hardly hear my movie. He brings the paper over to me, and says you gotta see these. Humoring him, I snag the paper and look, thinking, "hurry up, what?" Next thing I know, I'm bellowing right along with him. These are copied, word for word straight from the Herald:



Friday May 18
5:54 pm Graffiti in the form of the words, "snitch" and expletive were written on a driveway on the 100 block of Church Street.

8:24 pm A caller said her roommates daughter unlawfully attacked her and her daughter over eyeliner that was taken on the 400 block of Mills Drive. The argument escalated into a physical disturbance, and then the suspect hit the caller and her daughter with her fists.

I know, real newsworthy but it gets much better...

6:43 a.m. A maroon Land Cruiser on the 500 block of Morning Glory Drive was tagged "Gay Boy" over night.

12:02 pm Pamela Scott, 55 or 56, was arrested for driving while intoxicated with a blood alcohol level over .08 after a friend reported that Scott was drunk driving to get more alcohol from the Liquor Warehouse.

first of all was she 55 or 56, did ya ask her, or check her id? there were 3 other reports with ages like this, which i thought was quite strange. and more important, nice friend, Pamela has. I wonder if it was her house that someone wrote "snitch" in her driveway.

Sunday May 20
1:44 pm A Benicia City Park worker told the owners of a bulldog that had tied their dog to a "No Dogs in the Park" sign to leave. The dog owners were given a warning.

I think these people were messing with the park worker. and why agian, did he have to call the police? i mean get a life.

2:10 pm Children on the 1100 block of Southampton Road repeatedly called 911 to make "fart" noises.

haha

7:07 pm A caller reported that neighbors on Turner drive are raising rabbits in tents in their backyard and that they could smell the odor inside their home.

i think this lady is on crack. rabbits in tents, right! lady, Trix are for kids.

there are a few more knee slappers, but I think I've made Benicia, pitiful enough for now. I'm so glad they deliver the Chronicle here.